I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
