bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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