I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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