3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
