He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
