____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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