there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
