You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
