I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize