tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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