I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
