If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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