The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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