Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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