you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
