Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
