I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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