she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
