remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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