There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
