College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
