i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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