yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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