He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
