dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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