The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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