Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
