So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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