My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
