I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
