she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
