is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My liver just had a heart attack.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
