She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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