walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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