that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize