My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize