If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
