there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
