Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
