just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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