3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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