we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
