u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
