i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
