You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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