...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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