Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize