I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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