Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
