I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
