Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
