I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
