I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
