just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
love makes seman taste better
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
