drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
