Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
