i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
