hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
