So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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