i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
