I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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