my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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