i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
