Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
P.S. I can't hear my feet
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
