You smell like stripper and shame
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Randomize
