i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
