alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
