I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
