That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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