my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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