The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
