i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
